Hello everyone! How are you?! Oh, really? Thats nice! And I’m just dandy, thank you.
So you may be wondering… Hey Amanda! What have you been up to lately?? You’ve been ignoring your blog!
Well yes, I have been ignoring my blog. That’s because I got infected with a huge dose of laziness and writers block in which there is no antidote. Thank God I don’t write for a living because otherwise I’d be without a laptop to stalk my facebook friends.
Anyway, I got a real job. So now I’m like a “real” adult. Pshh… whatever. Who cares.
So other than working, and being a boring grown up I have done some fun things. For example I just had a really exciting vacation. Let me tell you about that vacation.
One day in March I was sitting on the couch and said to Nelson, “Hey Babe, lets go on vacation to Florida.” He responded by continuing to sleep (that is an automatic yes, as we agreed too several years ago when he was sleeping). So I decided that we should try the Bed & Breakfast route. My parents have enjoyed Bed & Breakfasts in the past and the people who are “Bed & Breakfast people” seem to love it. (Yes, by the way, I totally am an old lady)
After weeks of researching prices and ratings I booked a Bed & Breakfast in Key West for 4 nights and in Miami for 3 nights. So after X-ing off days on the calender for 2 months Nelson and I were finally on the last day before vacation. Our flight was at 6am the next morning so naturally we started packing at 3pm. Oh wait, I mean, I started packing at 3pm. I’m pretty sure Nelson didn’t start packing until 6pm that being 12 hours before our flight. I’m pretty sure that this is a normal thing, everyone is always like “OMG I have to start packing I’m going on vacation in like 3 days!!”
Yeahhhh right, that is total BS. I know that you wont start packing until 12 hours before your flight so don’t be an ass about it. Just be cool and wait till your at the airport to buy deodorant, like me.
The plan (as far as Nelson and I knew) was to pack our stuff, go to my Mom’s and have dinner, then stay there over night so they can drive us to the airport. It’s now about 830pm and we call my Mom to tell her we are on the way to her house. We call her and find out that she was out with my sister for Sushi. SOOOOOO there goes our dinner plans. Thanks Mom, by the way, we were starving.
We ended up going to my Mother-in-laws for dinner.
Do you honestly think that I would cook for myself at that hour!? PAH-LEASE.
Every time we go to Nelson’s parent’s house we always stay about an hour or longer than we planned. Actually, let me rephrase that.
Every time Nelson and I go ANYWHERE we always stay AT LEAST an hour longer than planned.
Needless to say, by the time we got back to my parent’s house, so we can go to sleep, it was after midnight. My sister and her fiance stayed at her fiance’s parents house so I could sleep in her room. I would sleep in my old room but as soon as I moved out of my parent’s house they had me evacuate all of my belongings so they could turn my room into a TV room.
Just as a side note, I’ve always heard people joke about their parents doing that but I always thought, “Nooo, not my parents. My parents are going to preserve my room as I left it and turn it into a sanctuary were they will come to cry when they miss me because I live 30 minutes away.” Yeah right, my parents proved me wrong and made my inner ego look like a a person dressed in bright red at a funeral. Sighhh…. anyway, back to the story…
As you all should know already, I have 2 labs. Two very spoiled labs who have become accustomed to sleeping with my husband and I on our king sized bed. WHICH is fine with me because my Husband likes to make the house feel like we live in the arctic. Where as I will leave a sweater on until it is greater than 84 degrees outside.
My Sister does not have a king sized bed, she has a double-sized bed which to all you men out there means it is smaller. So, we all didn’t fit on the bed and the dogs did not understand that. Nelson and I got about an hour of sleep that night. Our dogs slept like big furry angels… bitches.
At 430am, my parent’s, Nelson, and I are finally in the car on the way to the airport. We got to the gate at about 515am which is pretty good for Newark. So far, so good. The flight from Newark to Miami was good, not to many bumps, watched a boring show that’s about broadway, and coincidentally sat next to someone who is in the same profession and field as I am.
Once we got into Miami airport we went straight to the car rental station where Nelson made sure the guy wrote down every single little scratch that was on the car. Then we were off!! And guess what was the first thing I did!? I turned on the radio and started singing my ass off. Nelson loves that. Kind of.
While we were in the car with my parents on the way to Newark my Mom had asked, “Amie, you made sure to pack your camera right??” I looked at Nelson with an “Oh Shiza” face and he responded about a minute later saying, “Yeah! No worries” which was a total lie because the only functioning camera we have is the camera on our cell phones. Which Nelson later explained to me at the airport that he did not lie because they call the cell phone camera a camera because it is a camera. Get it?
Anyway, we stopped on the way to Key West at a Best Buy and bought a camera from a guy who did not believe that we were from New Jersey. I took that as a compliment. Later on, we got to Key West and the place we booked turned out to be like an apartment and it was gorgeous within walking distance from the beach. We had an amazing time in Key West. I have come to realize there are 2 types of people in Key West, gays and hippies. My husband always calls me a hippy and he said that is the reason I fit in so well. He fit in well too and since he refuses to call himself a hippy that leaves him to be… a good tourist. OBVIOUSLY HE IS NOT GAY GUYS. I don’t look that manly unless I stop shaving for 2 days or more. Ok, ok, 1 day. God! You guys are ruthless.
Nelson and I loved Key West and planned to go back some time in the future. At the end of our stay we literally left pouting. We drove into Miami and it definitely disappointed us. I guess from all the fun and excitement in Key West, the bar was set pretty high for Miami. We pulled up to our Bed & Breakfast in Miami and it was about 6 blocks away from the beach. That doesn’t sound too far but it was literally worlds away. The whole atmosphere changes within a couple steps.
So we walk into the B&B and the owner is very nice she gave us the keys to our room and told us our room is upstairs. We walk upstairs and the hallway upstairs is probably big enough for me to lay down with one dog that’s about it. In that small hallway there were 4 doors. Room 8, 9, 10, and another door without a number. We walk into our room and the room is so small that we can barely fit both our suitcases in it at the same time. Once we finally got both our suitcases in the room and we finally took a moment to look around Nelson asked a question that literally rang in the air for about 10 minutes before I could even breathe.
“Where is the bathroom?”
In my head there was a little version of me running in a circle screaming “WHERE IS THE BATHROOM!!!!????”
Finally, I grabbed a hold of my self and I said, “It must be detached, I’ll go check.” I went outside the room back into the hallway and opened the unnumbered door. It was a bathroom and there was a sign in it saying that the bathroom was reserved for rooms 8 & 9. I went back into the room and told Nelson about the bathroom situation. He was less than pleased. We didn’t think there was anyone in the other room so we decided to make the best of the situation and went for a walk around town. While walking around town we decided that we really didn’t like Miami. In fact that only thing we really liked was Espanola way. We had dinner there, food was good, and the waiter who was from Chicago told us he’d like to come back with us to Jersey rather than stay in South Beach.
When we got back to the B&B we had noticed that we were sharing a bathroom when my husband realized the soap was now all hairy. That’s when Nelson and I decided we needed to stay some place else. I spent the entire night looking for another hotel with no luck. So we were going to stick it out. The next morning, Nelson went to the bathroom and came back 15 minutes later. The first thing he said when we came into the room was, “We are leaving, today.”
I was opening my mouth so I could ask why when Nelson said, “I just had to clear the F***ing toilet of some A**hole’s S***!”
I have a really sick personality and because of that I immediately started laughing. The thought of Nelson walking into a bathroom with a clogged toilet was funny because of the reaction that I imagined him having. I could just seem him walking in there ready to do the dirty work and seeing the toilet then cursing his head off in whispers afraid that the other people might hear him.
We decided to cut our vacation short and re-booked our flight back to EWR for later on that day. We both packed our stuff and then went to the bathroom to quickly brush our teeth. When we were walking out of the bathroom we noticed that the guy we were sharing the bathroom with was looking out of his room with the door cracked open and the lights off. So naturally we both glared into the crack of the door and made a face at him. Nelson made a face that said, “I hate you” and I made of face that said “HAHAHAHA WTF are you doing you creepy person??” then we left.
Our flight was scheduled for 150pm and it was about 10am when we got to the airport. It was POURING rain outside. I’m pretty nervous about flying to begin with but seeing all this rain, and seeing the rain in NYC on TV as well, did not make me feel good about this flight. Suddenly we noticed our flight was being delayed about a 30mins which isn’t too bad.
We got onto the plane about 230pm. Now I want you to remember that, because it is important.
It was about 3pm and we finally take off. Then at about 320pm we hear over the intercom “ALL MEDICAL PERSONNEL PLEASE PROCEED TO THE BACK OF THE AIRCRAFT”.
Now I’m thinking, “Oh crap, whats going on now!?” Those of you that know me personally know that I am a medical personnel…. You may be wondering, “Well Amanda, did you go to the back of the aircraft?!”
HELL. NO. I. DID. NOT.
Do you know how much turbulence we were having!?!?!?!? If I went to the back of the aircraft I would need medical attention as well!! Besides there were two paramedics and a physician on board. I’m pretty sure they will do just fine without me.
Now it’s 330pm and we are told that we are going to have to make an emergency landing, where? That’s a good friggen question because nobody has a clue. So instead of staying at a higher altitude we are flying through rain clouds and the plane was shaking so much I was having seriously bad anxiety. Everyone on the plane is fine, chillin, just going with the speed bumps of the gods, while I am having a nervous breakdown and making faces like I’m giving birth to a 10 pound baby.
Finally after 20 more minutes of unnecessary torture the pilot says we are landing in Jacksonville, Florida because we have a patient with respiratory issues on board. I wanted to cry. Wait, no that’s right, I did cry, like a kid that had his little red wagon stolen. The guy sitting next to us was a big and tall type guy and he must have daughters because he seemed totally at home with my freak out. He just sat back turned on his iPod and relaxed to the sound of my frantic praying of the rosary.
We landed in Jacksonville airport which looks like an airport for crop dusters and were told to remain seated because we would be taking off again in 20 minutes. We heard that every 20 minutes for the next 3 1/2 hours. Before we took off again Nelson turned on my TV, which is $7.99 by the way, and So You Think You Can Dance was on. I watched that show, prayed the rosary like an old lady, and refused to look out the window for the rest of the flight and I made it home in one piece.
Once I got of the airplane I threw my body onto the ground and started kissing the floor. Figuratively, of course. Newark is a dirty airport. I would never even kiss my child’s face if it touched the floor at Newark airport, unless it was wiped with an alcohol pad.
The ending of the story is we finally got to Newark at 10pm. So I was sitting on a plane without moving from 230pm to 10pm. Thats it the end. I’m tired of writing and your tired of reading. Until next time, PEACE.
By the way…. you may be wondering what happened with that guy that we made the emergency landing for. Turns out the guy was piss drunk and blacked out on the plane. Thats one way to get through your fear of flying. I bet he didn’t even notice the turbulance or the fact that we could have free falled into the field of dreams. I must try that next time, just more discreetly….